| Sometimes when the weather gets warmer, my body gets tricked and starts acting like I have more money in the bank. |
5 days, 14 hours ago |
| Old age is real. I was in bed for 20 mins when I heard the pizza guy cough. Then I remembered I came in my room for my wallet. |
6 days, 23 hours ago |
| Happiness is a journey, not a destination. |
1 week, 1 day ago |
| The educator must above all understand how to wait - to reckon all effects in the light of the future, not of the present. -- Ellen Kay |
1 week, 6 days ago |
| Greetings Jerky Our Head of Pulling! |
3 weeks, 5 days ago |
| There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don't. |
1 month ago |
| Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. |
1 month, 1 week ago |
| “Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.” --- Arabic Proverb |
1 month, 3 weeks ago |
| Some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology. It bugs me in ways I can't put into words. |
1 month, 3 weeks ago |
| Religion is like circumcision. If you wait until someone is 12yo to tell them about it, they probably won't be interested. |
1 month, 4 weeks ago |
| No matter how nice you are, German children will always be Kinder. |
2 months ago |
| - Word of the day: Recrudescence (n.) The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve. |
3 months ago |
| Word of the day: Recrudescence (n.) The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve. |
3 months, 1 week ago |
| A special message to Canada, Greenland, Panama, and now the Gulf of Mexico. Apologies. He's an imbecile. --- USA |
3 months, 4 weeks ago |
| I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye! |
4 months ago |
| A special message to Canada, Greenland, & Panama. Apologies. He's an imbecile. --- USA |
4 months ago |
| "God have us families so we wouldn't need to argue with strangers." --- Italians (and everyone else.) |
4 months, 1 week ago |
| Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it. |
4 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Never forget about Newton's Third Law. |
5 months, 2 weeks ago |
| How long before Don the Con accidentally sends out the fundraising email before the shooter is even spotted? |
7 months, 2 weeks ago |
| When you die and go to heaven every dog you ever owned will run up to greet you. |
8 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Carpe Diem. |
8 months, 3 weeks ago |
| I don't want to cause any drama, this is just my opinion. I think Dove Chocolate tastes much better than their Dove Soap. |
9 months, 1 week ago |
| Just don't ask ====> http://tiny.cc/7on3zz |
9 months, 3 weeks ago |
| Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. - Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) 18+ room |
9 months, 3 weeks ago |
| Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. - Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) |
10 months ago |
| HAPPY CANADA DAY !!!! |
10 months ago |
| When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page. - Bill Clinton |
10 months, 2 weeks ago |
| England Conquered half the world, brought back spices, and decided they didn't like any of them. |
10 months, 3 weeks ago |
| You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give. |
1 year, 1 month ago |
| The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. |
1 year, 1 month ago |
| To ATT: Have you tried unplugging it, waiting 2 minutes, and plugging it back in? |
1 year, 2 months ago |
| Someone just accused me of plagiarism. Their words, not mine. |
1 year, 2 months ago |
| Sister Abrigal of Niece. She was respected for her wisdom. She was called Nun the Wiser. |
1 year, 3 months ago |
| Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation. -- Henry Ward Beecher |
1 year, 3 months ago |
| The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard |
1 year, 5 months ago |
| We never know the worth of water 'til the well is dry. - English proverb |
1 year, 5 months ago |
| Putin visited the country of Kyrgyzstan, where officials begged for a supply of much needed vowels. |
1 year, 6 months ago |
| Dear Black Friday, We all have big screen TVs. How about putting up groceries, gas, and rent on sale this year? |
1 year, 6 months ago |
| No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. -- Henry Brooks Adams |
1 year, 6 months ago |
| Captain America's suit does not have 50 stars. It was 1 star, so he's actually Captain Texas. |
1 year, 7 months ago |
| 90% of bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it. |
1 year, 8 months ago |
| Australians are disappointed that the Barbie movie does not include even one BBQ. But worse Ken is a SHRIMP! |
1 year, 8 months ago |
| Australians are disappointed that the Barbie movie does not include even one BBQ. |
1 year, 9 months ago |
| -An unemployed jester is nobody's fool. |
1 year, 9 months ago |
| -Have you heard about the defunct rock band 999 Megabytes? ---------- They couldn't get a gig. |
1 year, 9 months ago |
| Happy CANADA Day |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| -I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help, but now I stand corrected. |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| There is nothing to fear but fear itself. |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| -Hot^Hard doesn't usually get emotional after sex, but $20 is a lot of money. |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of those that oppose it. |
1 year, 11 months ago |
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1 year, 11 months ago |