#gayjackoff on Undernet

March 19, 2026 8 hours ago

Guiness Ad ===> https://youtu.be/y07at1bU89Q

March 17, 2026 2 days, 9 hours ago

If you call your allies cowards in February, don't go begging to them for help in March.

March 9, 2026 1 week, 3 days ago

Trump Family Calls Ayatollah’s Son an Incompetent Moron Who Only Got His Position Through Nepotism.

February 27, 2026 2 weeks, 6 days ago

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. --- He acquired his size from too much pi.

February 8, 2026 1 month, 1 week ago

I hereby solemnly swear and resolve, that I shall finish whatever I sta

February 5, 2026 1 month, 2 weeks ago

The toga had a 3000yo oil stain. It was from ancient Greece. Then it Dawned on me.

February 2, 2026 1 month, 2 weeks ago

There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will understand this.

January 28, 2026 1 month, 2 weeks ago

Abraham Lincoln said watching “Melania” was the worst experience he’s ever had in a theatre.

January 26, 2026 1 month, 2 weeks ago

Only female mosquitoes bite. Only males buzz. When you're in bed and you hear a buzz, relax. If you hear silence, worry.

January 18, 2026 2 months ago

R.F.K Jr. --- A face made for radio. A voice made for close-captioning.

January 10, 2026 2 months, 1 week ago

Hard work never killed anybody but why take the chance?

January 2, 2026 2 months, 2 weeks ago

Having a healthy and regualr sex life helps improve memory. I wish all a great 2016!

December 25, 2025 2 months, 3 weeks ago

A Holy Knight is one who had very unfortunate luck at the jousting tournament.

December 22, 2025 2 months, 3 weeks ago

I got myself a senior's GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.

December 19, 2025 3 months ago

If 2025 were a drink, it would be a colonoscopy prep.

December 6, 2025 3 months, 1 week ago

Something you learn when you get older. "If you want to make a problem worse, call a lawyer."

December 5, 2025 3 months, 1 week ago

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -- Aesop

December 3, 2025 3 months, 2 weeks ago

What do you call a Christmas wreath made of $100 bills? ---------------- Aretha Franklins

November 28, 2025 3 months, 2 weeks ago

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be poor. I will move to a rich gated neighborhood.

November 26, 2025 3 months, 3 weeks ago

I am a person who wants to do lots of things, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

November 25, 2025 3 months, 3 weeks ago

I broke my addiction to Hellman’s at the Mayo Clinic.

November 23, 2025 3 months, 3 weeks ago

You have to be extremely precise when trying to identify fungi. --- There's not mushroom for error.

November 21, 2025 3 months, 3 weeks ago

If you're waiting for me to act normal, I hope you packed a picnic basket.

November 15, 2025 4 months ago

A man was injured while playing peek-a-boo. --- He's currently in the ICU.

November 14, 2025 4 months ago

My boss farted in front of me. I said "Still trying to work that condom out?" --- Anyone hiring out there?

November 13, 2025 4 months ago

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you didn't overthink everything? I think about it all the time.

November 1, 2025 4 months, 2 weeks ago

There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stalk. And Vodka. 18 plus room

October 23, 2025 4 months, 3 weeks ago

I tried calling the Tinnitus help line. No answer. Just kept ringing.

October 10, 2025 5 months, 1 week ago

The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on. -- Walter Lippmann

September 26, 2025 5 months, 3 weeks ago

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

September 24, 2025 5 months, 3 weeks ago

Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.

September 22, 2025 5 months, 3 weeks ago

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

September 21, 2025 5 months, 3 weeks ago

Do you remember --- The twenty-first night of September?

September 17, 2025 6 months ago

I'm thinking of selling my old theremin. I haven't touched it in years.

September 12, 2025 6 months ago

Stop worrying about what other people think. Have you met other people? They're AWFUL!

August 24, 2025 6 months, 3 weeks ago

I was kidnapped by a troupe of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

August 22, 2025 6 months, 3 weeks ago

Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all its students.

August 19, 2025 7 months ago

Sarah Palin No Longer Dumbest Person to Set Foot in Alaska.

August 18, 2025 7 months ago

A vegan and a vegetarian are jumping off a cliff to see who hits the bottom first. Who wins?

August 17, 2025 7 months ago

Things that keep me up at night: Are Medusa's leg hairs tiny little snakes?

August 15, 2025 7 months ago

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

August 13, 2025 7 months ago

If size doesn't matter, where are all the 3 inch dildoes?

July 16, 2025 8 months ago

Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. - H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980)

July 12, 2025 8 months ago

And you cannot buy a Vowel!

July 9, 2025 8 months, 1 week ago

New Quiz _ _ _ _ _ R _ _ _ _ And you cannot buy a Vowel!

July 7, 2025 8 months, 1 week ago

L _ _ _ E _ ^ < We have a winner! Jerky!

July 6, 2025 8 months, 1 week ago

Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke

May 27, 2025 9 months, 2 weeks ago

There's nothing to winning, really. That is if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever. Alfred Hitchcock

May 22, 2025 9 months, 3 weeks ago

I wrote a book on reverse psychology. Don't buy it.

May 21, 2025 9 months, 3 weeks ago

Reminder: April is Procrastination Awareness Month

May 20, 2025 9 months, 3 weeks ago

My Reality Check bounced.

May 17, 2025 10 months ago

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. - Unknown

May 10, 2025 10 months, 1 week ago

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. -- Oscar Wilde

May 2, 2025 10 months, 2 weeks ago

Sometimes when the weather gets warmer, my body gets tricked and starts acting like I have more money in the bank.

May 1, 2025 10 months, 2 weeks ago

Old age is real. I was in bed for 20 mins when I heard the pizza guy cough. Then I remembered I came in my room for my wallet.

April 29, 2025 10 months, 2 weeks ago

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

April 24, 2025 10 months, 3 weeks ago

The educator must above all understand how to wait - to reckon all effects in the light of the future, not of the present. -- Ellen Kay

April 11, 2025 11 months, 1 week ago

Greetings Jerky Our Head of Pulling!

April 6, 2025 11 months, 1 week ago

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don't.

March 30, 2025 11 months, 2 weeks ago

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

March 16, 2025 1 year ago

“Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.” --- Arabic Proverb

March 15, 2025 1 year ago

Some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology. It bugs me in ways I can't put into words.

March 8, 2025 1 year ago

Religion is like circumcision. If you wait until someone is 12yo to tell them about it, they probably won't be interested.

March 3, 2025 1 year ago

No matter how nice you are, German children will always be Kinder.

February 2, 2025 1 year, 1 month ago

- Word of the day: Recrudescence (n.) The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.

January 28, 2025 1 year, 1 month ago

Word of the day: Recrudescence (n.) The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.

January 8, 2025 1 year, 2 months ago

A special message to Canada, Greenland, Panama, and now the Gulf of Mexico. Apologies. He's an imbecile. --- USA

January 6, 2025 1 year, 2 months ago

I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye!

January 3, 2025 1 year, 2 months ago

A special message to Canada, Greenland, & Panama. Apologies. He's an imbecile. --- USA

December 25, 2024 1 year, 2 months ago

"God have us families so we wouldn't need to argue with strangers." --- Italians (and everyone else.)

December 17, 2024 1 year, 3 months ago

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it.

November 21, 2024 1 year, 3 months ago

Never forget about Newton's Third Law.

September 22, 2024 1 year, 5 months ago

How long before Don the Con accidentally sends out the fundraising email before the shooter is even spotted?

August 23, 2024 1 year, 6 months ago

When you die and go to heaven every dog you ever owned will run up to greet you.

August 13, 2024 1 year, 7 months ago

Carpe Diem.

July 29, 2024 1 year, 7 months ago

I don't want to cause any drama, this is just my opinion. I think Dove Chocolate tastes much better than their Dove Soap.

July 12, 2024 1 year, 8 months ago

Just don't ask ====> http://tiny.cc/7on3zz

July 10, 2024 1 year, 8 months ago

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. - Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) 18+ room

July 4, 2024 1 year, 8 months ago

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. - Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)

July 1, 2024 1 year, 8 months ago

HAPPY CANADA DAY !!!!

June 19, 2024 1 year, 8 months ago

When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page. - Bill Clinton

June 10, 2024 1 year, 9 months ago

England Conquered half the world, brought back spices, and decided they didn't like any of them.

March 22, 2024 1 year, 11 months ago

You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give.

March 11, 2024 2 years ago

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

February 23, 2024 2 years ago

To ATT: Have you tried unplugging it, waiting 2 minutes, and plugging it back in?

February 15, 2024 2 years, 1 month ago

Someone just accused me of plagiarism. Their words, not mine.

February 2, 2024 2 years, 1 month ago

Sister Abrigal of Niece. She was respected for her wisdom. She was called Nun the Wiser.

January 30, 2024 2 years, 1 month ago

Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation. -- Henry Ward Beecher

December 7, 2023 2 years, 3 months ago

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard

November 13, 2023 2 years, 4 months ago

We never know the worth of water 'til the well is dry. - English proverb

October 14, 2023 2 years, 5 months ago

Putin visited the country of Kyrgyzstan, where officials begged for a supply of much needed vowels.

October 13, 2023 2 years, 5 months ago

Dear Black Friday, We all have big screen TVs. How about putting up groceries, gas, and rent on sale this year?

October 10, 2023 2 years, 5 months ago

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. -- Henry Brooks Adams

September 12, 2023 2 years, 6 months ago

Captain America's suit does not have 50 stars. It was 1 star, so he's actually Captain Texas.

August 30, 2023 2 years, 6 months ago

90% of bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

August 26, 2023 2 years, 6 months ago

Australians are disappointed that the Barbie movie does not include even one BBQ. But worse Ken is a SHRIMP!

August 5, 2023 2 years, 7 months ago

Australians are disappointed that the Barbie movie does not include even one BBQ.

July 31, 2023 2 years, 7 months ago

-An unemployed jester is nobody's fool.

July 21, 2023 2 years, 7 months ago

-Have you heard about the defunct rock band 999 Megabytes? ---------- They couldn't get a gig.

July 2, 2023 2 years, 8 months ago

Happy CANADA Day

July 1, 2023 2 years, 8 months ago

-I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help, but now I stand corrected.

June 27, 2023 2 years, 8 months ago

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

June 18, 2023 2 years, 9 months ago

-Hot^Hard doesn't usually get emotional after sex, but $20 is a lot of money.

May 19, 2023 2 years, 9 months ago

Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of those that oppose it.

May 18, 2023 2 years, 10 months ago

#gayjackoff

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