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Topic: #Welcome to #computertech! | End3r is DJing live at https://is.gd/yDJnuF | HIDE YOUR KIDS HIDE YOUR WIFE | End3r HAPPY 9001 BIRTHDAY |

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Filtering by user: melzz1

Tuesday, May 5, 2026

[01:45:23] melzz1 meth definitely gave me brain damage

[01:45:27] melzz1 wtf happened to my irc

[01:45:32] melzz1 why is there a 1 next to my name

[01:45:43] melzz1 i disconnected my vpn so i could post on 4chan and this happened

[01:46:34] melzz1 oh

[01:46:36] melzz1 fuk

[01:46:40] melzz1 im too lazy and stupid to fix that

[01:46:46] melzz1 i am melzz1 now

[01:47:00] melzz1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_p77Ry0Mj8Y&list=RDcyVTWdTTKm4&index=3

[01:47:28] melzz1 ive come to realize that im not any happier than i was before i quit meth and fentanyl

[01:48:37] melzz1 ive done too many serotonergic psychs

[01:48:43] melzz1 brain is depleted

[01:48:55] melzz1 its fine when serotonin is low replace it with gaba

[01:49:10] melzz1 i am unhappy but i feel numb and unaware

[01:49:38] melzz1 im too lazy..,

[01:53:45] melzz1 not really

[01:53:53] melzz1 the problem isnt the weed its the gabapentin

[01:53:55] melzz1 i took 2000mg

[01:54:18] melzz1 weed doesnt make u as lazy as gabaergics lol

[01:54:22] melzz1 i know weed technically is gabaergic but barely

[01:54:29] melzz1 it is whn u mix it with gabaergics

[01:54:32] melzz1 yeah

[01:56:07] melzz1 idk i like being lazy

[01:56:10] melzz1 it feels good

[01:56:46] melzz1 i was told by some ppl i was in a vc with last time i did more than 1.6g of gabapentin that they had to remind me to breathe

[01:57:36] melzz1 i think its like proven science that you are more sensxitivie to gaba drugs when u have real underlying conditions

[01:57:58] melzz1 it feels heroic

[01:58:15] melzz1 its a miracel i can still type rn lolk

[01:58:37] melzz1 i just have so much experience rotting on my pc talking 2 ppl on discord and irc that i have extremely good typing reflexes

[01:58:55] melzz1 the fact that u can evern understand me at all

[01:59:22] melzz1 im operating in what i call a "black box" mode where i jsut directly turn my thoughts into text on the screen via muscle memory

[01:59:55] melzz1 i barely even remember wherei am but my bdoy is trained to just repeat its last instruction which is to seek social interaction (dopamine)

[02:00:43] melzz1 SAME

[02:01:01] melzz1 i bought a flip phone to try and fix with my dopamine problem

[02:01:07] melzz1 but now i jsut work overtime on discord at home

[02:01:23] melzz1 its impossible to have hobbies bc i have to spend all my time keeping myself numb

[02:01:34] melzz1 drugs are genuinely a hobby to me

[02:01:51] melzz1 my computers and guitar are just room decorations now

[02:02:02] melzz1 actually

[02:02:10] melzz1 while i'm depressed and fucked up i should try to write something

[02:02:25] melzz1 hopefully i can even still play

[02:09:25] melzz1 im too fucked upt o play guityat properly

[02:36:13] melzz1 i wrote like 1/3rd of a new song so thats progress

[02:38:45] melzz1 im geting into the habit of leaving my lights on while im in my rom

[02:38:48] melzz1 i need to be brighter

[02:56:10] melzz1 i used tobe that way >Fensta

[02:56:16] melzz1 fuck ism sorry i cant type for shti

[03:00:46] melzz1 the momemt i gget consistent access to alcohol im screwed

[03:01:24] melzz1 i have this problem where whenever a drop of alcohol touches my tongue i go into this frenzy where i frantically binge drink until i pass out

[03:01:43] melzz1 my friend had to literally rip the bottle out of my arms bc she thought i was trying to kill myself

[03:01:52] melzz1 i miss her

[03:02:25] melzz1 i havent had irl friends since january

[03:02:35] melzz1 thats why im on al lthese drugs

[03:04:57] melzz1 i am a very very lonely person wjho was supposed to be an extrovert but ismissing the friends t

[04:11:29] melzz1 what

[04:11:50] melzz1 being lonely isnt cute

[05:00:29] melzz1 good night irc

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