| Abraham Lincoln said watching “Melania” was the worst experience he’s ever had in a theatre. |
4 days, 16 hours ago |
| Only female mosquitoes bite. Only males buzz. When you're in bed and you hear a buzz, relax. If you hear silence, worry. |
6 days, 16 hours ago |
| It's a damn shame that stupidity isn't painful to the afflicted. |
1 week, 3 days ago |
| Seth rogan and Disney present the Muppet show on ABC Feb 5 |
4 weeks, 1 day ago |
| Having a healthy and regualr sex life helps improve memory. I wish all a great 2016! |
1 month ago |
| https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=122120274459013936&set=pb.61580418099775.-2207520000 |
1 month ago |
| A Holy Knight is one who had very unfortunate luck at the jousting tournament. |
1 month, 1 week ago |
| I got myself a senior's GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there. |
1 month, 1 week ago |
| If 2025 were a drink, it would be a colonoscopy prep. |
1 month, 2 weeks ago |
| Something you learn when you get older. "If you want to make a problem worse, call a lawyer." |
1 month, 3 weeks ago |
| What do you call a Christmas wreath made of $100 bills? ---------------- Aretha Franklins |
1 month, 4 weeks ago |
| If I win the lottery, no one around me will be poor. I will move to a rich gated neighborhood. |
2 months ago |
| /st I am a person who wants to do lots of things, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. |
2 months, 1 week ago |
| I broke my addiction to Hellman’s at the Mayo Clinic. |
2 months, 1 week ago |
| You have to be extremely precise when trying to identify fungi. --- There's not mushroom for error. |
2 months, 1 week ago |
| If you're waiting for me to act normal, I hope you packed a picnic basket. |
2 months, 1 week ago |
| A man was injured while playing peek-a-boo. --- He's currently in the ICU. |
2 months, 2 weeks ago |
| My boss farted in front of me. I said "Still trying to work that condom out?" --- Anyone hiring out there? |
2 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you didn't overthink everything? I think about it all the time. |
2 months, 2 weeks ago |
| If Dick Cheney really wanted to do a good deed before he died, he would’ve taken Trump on a hunting trip. |
2 months, 3 weeks ago |
| Just before sweet potatoes are mashed they become very quiet. This is known as "the silence of the Yams." |
2 months, 4 weeks ago |
| There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stalk. And Vodka. |
3 months ago |
| I tried calling the Tinnitus help line. No answer. Just kept ringing. |
3 months, 1 week ago |
| I'm sitting here realizing that cottage cheese isn't actually cheese. It's just a curd to me. |
3 months, 3 weeks ago |
| Drone Swarm ===> https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9tSDn5j3G6c |
3 months, 4 weeks ago |
| Do you remember --- The twenty-first night of September? |
4 months, 1 week ago |
| I'm thinking of selling my old theremin. I haven't touched it in years. |
4 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Funny series ===> http://tiny.cc/jijs001 |
4 months, 2 weeks ago |
| "When nature calls, you can't let it go to voicemail" |
4 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Stop worrying about what other people think. Have you met other people? They're AWFUL! |
4 months, 3 weeks ago |
| Legendary Italian fashion designer Giorgio Armani dies at 91 |
4 months, 4 weeks ago |
| Sometimes you need to let Karma fix it. Because if you fix it, you're going to jail. |
5 months ago |
| Every time I see the TV say "BREAKING NEWS," you know what I'm hoping for! |
5 months ago |
| I was kidnapped by a troupe of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me. |
5 months, 1 week ago |
| Sarah Palin No Longer Dumbest Person to Set Foot in Alaska. |
5 months, 2 weeks ago |
| A vegan and a vegetarian are jumping off a cliff to see who hits the bottom first. Who wins? |
5 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Things that keep me up at night: Are Medusa's leg hairs tiny little snakes? |
5 months, 2 weeks ago |
| If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. |
5 months, 2 weeks ago |
| If size doesn't matter, where are all the 3 inch dildoes? |
5 months, 2 weeks ago |
| The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots. |
5 months, 4 weeks ago |
| El destino de la cucaracha es apoderarse de la cocina. |
8 months, 3 weeks ago |
| Old age is real. I was in bed for 20 mins when I heard the pizza guy cough. Then I remembered I came in my room for my wallet. |
9 months ago |
| I keep a scale and a ruler at my front door to verify Grindr profiles. |
9 months ago |
| Moo woke up! |
9 months, 1 week ago |
| Keep the noise down, Moo is sleeping! |
9 months, 2 weeks ago |
| I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you won't get it. |
9 months, 3 weeks ago |
| George Foreman Dead at 76 |
10 months, 1 week ago |
| Some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology. It bugs me in ways I can't put into words. |
10 months, 2 weeks ago |
| Religion is like circumcision. If you wait until someone is 12yo to tell them about it, they probably won't be interested. |
10 months, 3 weeks ago |
| No matter how nice you are, German children will always be Kinder. |
10 months, 4 weeks ago |
| - Word of the day: Recrudescence (n.) The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve. |
1 year ago |
| Word of the day: Recrudescence (n.) The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve. |
1 year ago |
| A special message to Canada, Greenland, Panama, and now the Gulf of Mexico. Apologies. He's an imbecile. --- USA |
1 year ago |
| I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye! |
1 year ago |
| I refuse to believe I was gay AND dyslexic, but I was in Daniel. |
1 year ago |
| No matter how far you push the envelope, it remains stationary. |
1 year, 1 month ago |
| Mooo's alarm finally woke him |
1 year, 2 months ago |
| You can tell God has a sense of humor because she put the male G-spot in his rectum. |
1 year, 2 months ago |
| musclebutt puts galoshes on and jumps in the puddles. |
1 year, 4 months ago |
| Just don't ask ====> http://tiny.cc/7on3zz |
1 year, 6 months ago |
| HAPPY CANADA DAY !!! |
1 year, 7 months ago |
| Moo has 63,741 Days and counting! |
1 year, 8 months ago |
| Two antennas fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. |
1 year, 8 months ago |
| musclbutt thinks it's time for a new topic line (Himting for a suggestion here) |
1 year, 8 months ago |
| musclbutt thinks it's time for a new topic line |
1 year, 8 months ago |
| It’s tragic that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries. --- Hindus, on the other hand,….never had any beef. |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. That's because they're Inca hoots. |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| American education ===> https://www.facebook.com/reel/3717249841879429 |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| I think we need a refreshed topic line. |
1 year, 10 months ago |
| Someone just accused me of plagiarism. Their words, not mine. |
1 year, 11 months ago |
| Sister Abrigal of Niece. She was highly respected for her wisdom. She was called Nun, the Wiser. |
1 year, 11 months ago |
| MUSCLES and MEN (and the odd bionic bovine) found here at GAYMUSCLE!!! (18+) |
2 years, 2 months ago |
| MUSCLES and MEN (and the odd boinic bovine) found here at GAYMUSCLE!!! (18+) |
2 years, 2 months ago |
| MUSCLES and MEN (and the odd bovine) found here at GAYMUSCLE!!! (18+) |
2 years, 2 months ago |
| Dear Black Friday, We all have big screen TVs. How about putting up groceries, gas, and rent on sale this year? |
2 years, 3 months ago |
| We need a clever topic sentence. (18+) |
2 years, 4 months ago |
| '90% of bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.' |
2 years, 4 months ago |
| 90% of bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it. |
2 years, 5 months ago |
| Australians are disappointed that the Barbie movie does not include even one BBQ. |
2 years, 5 months ago |
| -An unemployed jester is nobody's fool. |
2 years, 6 months ago |
| -Have you heard about the defunct rock band 999 Megabytes? ---------- They couldn't get a gig. |
2 years, 6 months ago |
| Happy Canada Day!! 40 Million Strong!! |
2 years, 7 months ago |
| -I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help, but now I stand corrected. |
2 years, 7 months ago |
| I was assigned male at birth and I identify as male, but according to Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, I am a family of four. |
2 years, 8 months ago |
| Some say English is a tough language to learn but, it can be understood through tough and thorough thought, though. |
2 years, 8 months ago |
| MUSCLES and MEN found here at GAYMUSCLE!!! (18+) |
2 years, 8 months ago |
|
2 years, 8 months ago |