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Filtering by user: idriven85/rizon

Friday, June 30, 2023

[18:09:19] idriven85/rizon My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

[18:09:24] idriven85/rizon I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

[18:09:40] idriven85/rizon What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

[18:09:45] idriven85/rizon One's satisfying to hit with a sledgehammer. The other's a watermelon.

[18:10:03] idriven85/rizon Muslim women are horrible competitors.

[18:10:08] idriven85/rizon No matter what they do, they always get beat.

[18:10:23] idriven85/rizon I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

[18:10:37] idriven85/rizon How long does a black woman take to throw away the garbage?

[18:10:42] idriven85/rizon Nine months.

[18:10:53] idriven85/rizon What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

[18:10:58] idriven85/rizon The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

[18:11:22] idriven85/rizon What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat?

[18:11:27] idriven85/rizon The wheelchair.

[18:11:34] idriven85/rizon My ex had an accident. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her. She'll finally experience what rejection is really like.

[18:12:26] idriven85/rizon I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice.

[18:12:44] idriven85/rizon jmjl, joke type must be one of any, programming, misc, dark, dad, chuck, pun, spooky, christmas

[18:12:53] idriven85/rizon What do Ted Bundy and the Space Shuttle Columbia have in common?

[18:12:58] idriven85/rizon They both left bodies in four states.

[18:14:22] idriven85/rizon How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

[18:14:43] idriven85/rizon How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween?

[18:14:48] idriven85/rizon Pump kin!

[18:15:09] idriven85/rizon What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?

[18:15:14] idriven85/rizon It's a pain in the neck.

[18:15:25] idriven85/rizon Why did the ghost go to the bar?

[18:15:30] idriven85/rizon To get sheet faced.

[18:15:53] idriven85/rizon How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween?

[18:15:58] idriven85/rizon Pump kin!

[18:16:11] idriven85/rizon How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

[18:16:16] idriven85/rizon Walking...

[18:16:16] idriven85/rizon JK, Rolling.

[18:16:25] idriven85/rizon What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch?

[18:16:30] idriven85/rizon Names.

[18:16:54] idriven85/rizon I figured out from my doctor that everything was alright:

[18:16:54] idriven85/rizon I have these weird muscle spasms in my gluteus maximus.

[18:16:54] idriven85/rizon He said "Weird flex, butt okay."

[18:17:13] idriven85/rizon I was feeling depressed, my wife put her hand on my back and said "Earth."

[18:17:18] idriven85/rizon It meant the world to me.

[18:18:01] idriven85/rizon foxy, joke type must be one of any, programming, misc, dark, dad, chuck, pun, spooky, christmas

[18:18:11] idriven85/rizon What do you call a group of 8 Hobbits?

[18:18:16] idriven85/rizon A Hobbyte.

[18:18:18] idriven85/rizon .NET developers are picky when it comes to food.

[18:18:23] idriven85/rizon They only like chicken NuGet.

[18:18:41] idriven85/rizon Why does Santa go down the chimney?

[18:18:46] idriven85/rizon Because it soots him!

[18:18:55] idriven85/rizon A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a price on a drink.

[18:18:55] idriven85/rizon The barkeeper says: "For you... no charge!"

[18:19:11] idriven85/rizon What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

[18:19:16] idriven85/rizon An outlaw is wanted.

[18:19:46] idriven85/rizon My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid.

[18:19:51] idriven85/rizon Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.

[18:20:10] idriven85/rizon What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

[18:20:15] idriven85/rizon Nothing. You already told her twice.

[18:20:26] idriven85/rizon I'm sure good looking lesbians look at fat lesbians and give them no chance.

[18:20:31] idriven85/rizon Until they see their fingers.

[18:20:58] idriven85/rizon What does tofu and a dildo have in common?

[18:21:03] idriven85/rizon They're both meat substitutes.

[23:47:21] idriven85/rizon ComputerTech, Notice how every girl on Buzzfeed has a nose ring because no one will put one on their finger.

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